My friend Jenny text me pictures this morning while out camping with her kids somewhere remote. She will often do this. She goes camping a lot, like, in the snow and rain even. Or hikes for miles and miles. I am always very impressed.
I want to be an outdoorsy gal. I really do. I want to be ok with Chacos, and those pants that can turn into shorts with the flick of a zipper and have that clear glowy skin hikers seem to have. I’m not squeamish, and I don’t need constant comfort and air conditioning and I do love being outside. It’s just that hiking somewhere? For what? It brings up many existential questions and just seems lonely and dreary. Another friend who loves hiking asked me “But what if we have a picnic at the end? Would that make it more fun?” I just don’t see the purpose of it all and this is a point of contention for my husband and I. If I could understand it, maybe I would enjoy hiking. I want to want this.
It’s not that I don’t like good clean exercise. But when I finish a half marathon there is a participation medal and a complementary IPA waiting for me. And people! Crowds of people everywhere!
My husband is training to climb Mt Rainier this year and I think that’s pretty cool. But we both know I’m not going.
Mounts Hood and Rainier are tattooed on my arm, my favorite pictures are trees and mist, I love sitting by any kind of water with a book in my hand.
But hiking is still a mystery to me. 1
Without getting all dark and dreary it might be worth mentioning that from age 7 (maybe earlier, but I don’t remember) through my teen years I had pretty bad asthma. It went untreated (Except for when it got so bad some winters I would eventually be taken in for an inhaler. I do remember that happened a few times. One time it was a sample inhaler with 12 puffs of medication and I saved up those puffs, wheezing the nights away when I knew we were doing something outdoors in a few weeks, I’d want to be prepared). When I was 21, I was able to get to doctors regularly and get it under control. (My parents just didn’t believe I had asthma, I don’t think they thought it was a thing and I remember a doctor saying I had it and they said no, no, she doesn’t- also worth noting they’ve apologized for this many times). My family hiked a ton, and I would spend the hike slowly walking to keep from getting the attack, and once it inevitably came on I would spend my time trying to get through the day so I could get home, knowing that the days afterward would be spent trying to rest and recover my sore lungs. I keep thinking it doesn’t play in to my feelings of hiking’s depressingness but I’ve been through enough therapy sessions and am self aware enough to know that maybe there’s a chance…
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